


gone gone / thank you

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: - i guess?, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, How Do I Tag, Long-Distance Friendship, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, POV Dirk Strider, breaking up, but not really, dirkjake - Freeform, i am definitely projecting, roxy is very good at comforting dirk, this was pretty much word for word copied from my breakup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:53:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24522664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: in which jake breaks up with dirk, and dirk looks to roxy for comfort.a projection of my recent breakup, sort of a vent fic
Relationships: Jake English/Dirk Strider
Kudos: 17





	gone gone / thank you

golgothasTerror (GT) began pestering timaeusTestified (TT)

GT: Can we perhaps talk a little later?  
GT: Its a bit of a pressing matter...

Those were the words that set Dirk off, that tipped him off that perhaps his avoidant boyfriend was having “an issue.” Immediately he began to expect the worst, the “had I done something wrong”s and the “what if he’s hurt himself”s and the “quit making this all about you, Jake might just be going through something and need support”s, wracking his brain for anything wrong that he could have done in their recent- albeit few and far between- recent conversations. And he came up blank, time and time again. His heart continued to pound in his chest and he managed to type a response.

TT: Oh, okay, yeah, that’s fine.  
TT: How bad is it, on a scale from one to ten?  
TT: Just so I can mentally prepare myself.

The way he typed was not at all reflective of how panicked he was getting. 

GT: Well… i dunno cause i also have to talk to other people.  
TT: Oh, alright.  
GT: Yeah uh  
GT: I just cant right now so im letting you know beforehand!  
GT: In case I forget.  
TT: Right, just let me know when you can I guess.  
GT: Righto!

golgothasTerror (GT) has ceased pestering timaeusTestified (TT)

And then things were silent… At least on the outside. On the inside, his brain was a 16 car pile up on the highway and he was left to deal with it alone. Well, not really, actually, because he got another person hitting his line around the same time.

But he wasn’t particularly… “Ready” to deal with that noise, so he just turned on some music and listened to the same song on repeat for a little while, relating the lyrics a little too closely to his current situation. For the most part, he panicked in silence and turned to mindlessly scrolling through social media. As much as that was possible. Half the time he could barely fight the urge to not stalk Jake’s social media, reminiscing on when times were better between them. Before Jake had gotten distant, and before Dirk had gotten desperate.

They’d used to call through the night, just listen to each other or settle for comfortable silence. They’d both slept on call at some point, even. How long was that specific call? Like, two days? And that was a while ago…  
Before the distance started to get suffocating. Sort of.

Dirk was pulled back to reality by the deafening anxiety coursing through him through his bloodstream. His mind had begun to race again. He was still going through the last few conversations they’d had, had it been the time he’d said the word Jake didn’t like? Was it how desperate he’d been for affection? Jake of all people should understand something like that, though. Dirk was just at a complete loss of what could happen.

So, he’d just mentally prepare himself for the worst. And distract himself, as much as he could. Luckily, that was easy, because he noticed the person who had been attempting to pester him was his good friend Roxy.

tipsyGnostalgic (TG) began pestering timaeusTestified (TT)

tipsyGnostalgic (TG) sent otterstrawberry.mp4  
TG: here u go…

Dirk breathed out a sigh of relief, taking comfort in both the presence of his friend and the video she sent, which he thought was honestly pretty sweet.

TT: Thank you, I really needed that right now.  
TG: ily man  
TT: You too, bro.

The rest of the conversation is mindless banter between the two of them, which is comforting. Dirk finds himself feeling better just by having her to talk to, but he doesn’t tell her about the situation with Jake just yet, although he does explain that he’s having a rough day.

She’s gentle with him, reminding him how much she cares and hyping him up, while still keeping playful to keep the mood light. They have a play argument of sorts, and he barely even notices the hours passing as he texts her pretty much nonstop. And everything is fine.

That is, until someone else begins pestering him.

golgothasTerror (GT) began pestering timaeusTestified (TT)

GT: Do you think we can talk now?  
TT: Yeah, sure.  
GT: Righto

As calm as he seems in typing, a pit begins to form in his stomach. He rushes to update Roxy while Jake is still typing.

TT: Jake wants to talk about something serious.  
TG: you can panic text me while he types!!!!! i know that helps sometimes!!!! it probably isnt thay bad and if it is ill be here for you!!!!  
TG: *that  
TT: Yeah, I’m probably going to panic text you either way.  
TT: This is why I was upset earlier.

Roxy begins to type, but he gets another notification from Jake.

GT: Uhm so im not entirely sure how to put this to be honest after i wrote an entire fucking page before and ive never actually done this before but i really really really think we should take a break  
GT: Of us being together in a relationship.  
TT: Oh, uh.  
TT: Yeah, I mean, that’s chill.

Dirk decided to take a screenshot to send to Roxy.

timaeusTestified (TT) sent screenshot.png  
TT: It’s that bad.  
TG: dirky its ok hun!!! take some deep bresths for me ok?  
TG: *breaths  
TG: i cant be there for you entirely but maybe try to talk through your emotions? as hard as that may be???  
TT: I’m just shaking a lot, really.  
TT: I feel vulnerable and weak.

GT: Dirk i get the impression youre downplaying your feelings…  
GT: Listen i didnt mean to upset you!!  
GT: Ive just been struggling with this decision for a while…  
GT: Im so sorry.

Dirk can barely even focus on what Jake is saying. He didn’t notice until now, but he’d begun crying while reading that. Although it was a natural reaction to this sort of thing, he felt unjust in it. He’d gotten so used to burying his feelings that actually feeling them was borderline alien to him. 

TT: It’s fine.  
TT: Is this breaking up, or is it just a break?  
TT: Just so I can differentiate.

Jake takes a bit to respond. It drags out like an eternity.

GT: Its actually breaking up  
GT: I should have specified, im sorry…

Dirk’s heart drops into the pit of his stomach, and yet his pulse is still going rapidly. His face is straight, however despite his cheeks being wet and his nose running. 

TT: It’s fine.

He finds himself saying that a lot.

TG: good job dirk for telling me  
TG: its ok to be vulnerable, im safe for you!!! just breathe for me  
TG: 4 secs in, 7 hold, 8 on exhale  
TG: its ok if you cant count rn just try your best

Dirk attempts to follow her instruction, finding himself a little calmer afterwards. 

TT: Thank you.  
TT: Jake just dumped me, it wasn’t a break.  
TT: It’s fine, though.  
TG: its gonna be okay no matter how it ends, it will be  
TG: dirk you dont haev to say its fine because i know it isnt fine for you  
TG: *have  
TT: I’m calm for the most part.  
TT: It’s fine.

...

GT: Is it alright if i send you what i wrote before?  
GT: In terms of an explanation…  
GT: I think itd be better if you understood what i felt  
GT: And i really dont want to give you the impression that i dislike you!  
GT: I just cant properly explain right now…  
GT: I dont know…

He really didn’t want to hear any explanation from Jake. He already knew it was going to be full of things that he just didn’t want to hear, but...

TT: Yeah, that’s fine.

While Jake is doing that, Dirk returns to Rox. Just seeing her messages, he feels calmer. She’s there for him.

TG: ok,,, just,,, talk to me if you need to, ok?  
TG: *you  
TG: ill be here for you, i promise

He exhales and begins to type his response, which is hard to do while simultaneously attempting to wipe his running nose and type with shaking hands.

TT: I just.  
TT: Don’t know what to feel, I mean, my emotions are going in circles?  
TT: And I’m shaking.  
TT: But I don’t think I’m capable of verbally or otherwise showing emotion.  
TG: thats ok dirk!!!  
TG: if you feel like your thoughts are going too fast, try to count on your fingers to slow everything down  
TG: since its a sensory activity  
TG: thats what i do at least

Dirk attempts, but the moment he moves his hand away from his keyboard it begins to shake like crazy. 

TT: I couldn’t even move my hand from my keyboard without it shaking like a motherfucker.  
TG: breathe slowly!!!  
TG: just know you arent alone and there are two of us here  
TG: even if were separated by a stupid piece of glass  
TT: I’m sorry for forcing you to take care of me while I’m like this.  
TT: I know I should just man up and muscle through it.  
TG: dirky i could easily pretend im offline and be an ass but im not and theres a reason why  
TG: i care about you and i want to be here for you through this  
TG: i WANT to be here for you

Dirk was about to respond, but Jake sent another message.

TT: Hold on, Jake sent an explanation I think.

golgothasTerror (GT) sent explanation.doc

Jake’s explanation was long and messy and all over the place. It hurt for Dirk to read, because just as he expected, it had been everything he didn’t want to hear. There were just too many “I love you”s sprinkled in there for it to be comforting at all. It didn’t do anything at all besides upset Dirk further, and make him a little angry as well.

TT: I don’t really even know what to say.  
TT: I never intended to hurt or upset you.  
TT: And I’m sorry I wasn’t the best I could be.  
TT: I could deflect and make a million excuses, but it won’t really do much.  
GT: I just want to understand how you feel  
GT: I know you tried and did your best  
GT: I just have a hard time comprehending other peoples feelings  
GT: And always end up feeling unwanted or hated!!!

The rest of the conversation was Dirk attempting to explain his emotions as calmly as possible, and then Jake mentioned how “maybe something could happen again between us someday” and it did nothing besides make Dirk sick as he stared at his screen. At some point, after what felt like an eternity, it was over.

GT: I cant even tell if youre really fine with it...  
GT: Im really sorry  
GT: I cant say anything else but im sorry, Dirk  
TT: You know I’m not fine with it, but I don’t want to seem like I’m dragging something out that isn’t even worth trying.  
GT: Im sorry  
GT: Im gonna head out and leave you alone  
GT: I think we both need to

golgothasTerror (GT) has ceased pestering timaeusTestified (TT)

And once again, Dirk was left alone.

Dirk’s head had slowly begun to pound, most likely from the loss of fluids, and he was left questioning what had really ended up being the last straw for Jake. His head was spinning as he continued to type to Roxy, who was luckily still there to provide comfort.

TG: ok take your time but  
TG: dirk  
TG: its ok to be vulnerable  
TG: im ok to be vulnerable around because im a vulnerable person and a safe space for you  
TG: its hard to face these things alone but just know you areny alone rn  
TG: arent*  
TG: im here and fully willing to help you

To be honest, those were the words Dirk needed to hear most right now. And he responded, the two of them talked until he decided that his head hurt too bad and that it was time to go to bed, and even then he couldn’t stop talking to Roxy even as he attempted to get some rest. He felt extremely lucky to have her. She wanted to see him heal, and to help him grow, and to stand by him through the good and the bad.

And maybe that was all he’d wanted to hear for a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed. this is the first time im writing something seriously that isnt for school in years so yeah. i promise if i write anything else itll probably be nicer


End file.
